I got really, extremely busy these past days (summer classes are the shit, I'm telling you) that I forgot I even had a blog that I promised to update often. (Why, Marie, you scumbag!) Yeah, yeah. I get that a lot.
So just a quick note, summer classes are officially over!!!
Well, not quite. I've got a concept paper to do, which I haven't even started yet, lazy bastard that I am, and one goddamned final exam tomorrow. I also have to fix a few loose ends with our dormitory manager 'cause it so happened that my dormitory aplication has been rejected (sob) and I f*cking don't have a place to live that's within the vicinity of my school. My province is a good 500+ kilometres away, you see. And since my family sorta belongs to the middle class, it's a waste of money to travel back and forth everyday. Not to mention it'd take 12-15 hours to get there on a bus. Just imagining the buttache I'd get from sitting on the bus seat for that long makes me cringe.
Then there's also the matter with my organization's college review and career orientation program, which I'm not going to elaborate further. All I can say is, it's taxing but it will be worth it. It better be.
So there goes my update. I apologise for sounding too whiny in this post; it's hard to find someone that I could talk to, really talk to, these days. Harder still to find someone who'd understand. Man, I sound like some character ripped off an awful soap opera.
Good thing that practically nobody is reading this blog.
I've been thinking of making a depressed playlist since I'm, well, depressed and stuff. You're obviously no Sherlock if you haven't figured that out until now.
So I gathered my top fifteen most depressing songs, and put them together into...
*drum roll*
The Ultimate Marie Weatherly Depression Playlist (TUMWDP)! *confetti*
Perfect for rainy days when all you can do is sit and stare out of the window into the dark, ominous sky (God, that sounded horrible), or those days when you feel really emo (without all the eyeliner and wrist-slashing, of course) and you just want to sulk in a corner and all those crap.
Anyway, here goes. :)
1. Distance/Pixelated by Jeremy Passion
I already mentioned this song on my last depression post, so I guess you already listened to this. You haven't? I already posted the link. All you have to do is click, you lazy motherfkasdjfhkldshf
Sorry. :D
2. This Is Why by Late Night Alumni
I learned about this song while watching one of Michelle Phan's short movies (don't you dare ask me why I'm watching her videos). It depressed the bloody hell out of me. No doubt it has a spot in TUMWDP.
3. Gravity by Sara Bareilles
This one I got from watching So You Think You Can Dance a few years back. Don't expect me to remember which contestants danced to this song. Though I do recall that Robert Roldan (SHITROBERTASLKDFHKL) was in that season of SYTYCD. I had a crush on him then. Mehehe.
4. Here Comes Goodbye by Rascal Flatts
A good number of Rascal Flatts songs are depressive, and if I put them all here you'd probably be bored, so I just picked one from the loooooooong list. You cannot believe how hard it was to do just that.
5. Near To You by A Fine Frenzy
Almost Lover should be here, but I thought that song is already quite mainstream, so I chose this one instead. If anything, Near To You is almost equally depressing as Almost Lover. Unless you're a darned rock, then of course you wouldn't feel anything.
6. Let Me Be The One by Jimmy Bondoc
This is, I daresay, the most depressing OPM song to date. (OPM = Original Pilipino Music)
7. Down by Jason Walker
Contrary to what people think, I've already known this song even before it became a part of the Vampire Diaries soundtrack. So stop throwing me all those Elena-Stefan fandom shit. *irritated mother face* Elena and Damin forevarrrrr!
8. Water Runs Dry (Cover) by Boyce Avenue
Alejandro's voice... (*^*)
9. A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope
"I was praying that you and me might end up together; it's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert..."
Damn this song. *sniff*
But you should listen still listen to it. Heard this on Vampire Diaries, by the way.
10. Make It Without You by Andrew Belle
Vampire Diaries again. Lalala~
11. The Day You Said Goodnight by Hale
Another OPM song. I was obsessed with this band way back when I was in grade school (fancy that!). Unfortunately, they disbanded themselves. Although their former front man is still active in the Filipino music scene as far as I know. Anyway, this song introduced Hale into mainstream Filipino music. It's one of their best, I daresay, and one of their most depression-inducing, heartbreaking songs.
12. Nothing by The Script
THE SCRIPT. 'Nuff said.
13. The Scientist by Coldplay
I was actually debating on whether to put The Scientist or Fix You here in TUMWDP, but I decided The Scientist is more depressing. Well, from my standpoint, it is, but Fix You is a good one, too.
14. Icebox by Omarion
I've got this Xbox where my Wii used to be. I've got this rice box where my rice used to be. Nu uhhhhh~
15. Kiss Me (Cover) by Jason Walker
Like people say, save the best for last. I just bawl everytime I here this song. The singer sounds like he's mourning/pining for someone, so very different from the light and bubbly mood of the original song. YOU. MUST. LISTEN. TO. THIS.
SO...
This is by far the longest post here in my blog. Mehehe. All the more reason to listen to the playlist I made. You wouldn't want my effort wasted, don't you? :P
Well, I feel depressed almost all the time (*cough* bipolar *cough*), but this one's different.
One reason why I'm depressed is because I've been listening to this song for days. Seriously. I don't know why, but this song's stirring something inside the depths of my soul (*insert a shitty and corny speech on drama and romance here*).
And the opening part where Jeremy makes a short monologue about long distance relationships and whatnot? Bloody everlasting hell. Kill me. Kill me now.
Another reason is because I miss my parents terribly. They visited me this morning in my dormitory, but they only stayed for about thirty minutes, which was not enough time. I even forgot to hug my daddy when he said goodbye. Also, I forgot to ask him to give me back my birthday money so I could buy the pretty, leather bound Pride and Prejudice book that I nearly drooled on at the book store.
And another reason (really, I could go on and on why I'm depressed but I'll end with this one), which I think is by far the most serious one, is that I'm facing this dilemma of crush-turned-to-like-turned-to-love on this one guy, and I don't know what to do about it. I've been mulling over it for nigh a week and it's already starting to drive me nuts; you only have to look at my former jet black hair turned bright red to know. I'd tell you the whole story, but I'm afraid that 1) you'd only dismiss my situation as teenage silliness sdklfhsakjdgfjs it's not~ 2) someone both the guy and I know might be reading this and expose this abomination to the entire world, or worse, 3) the guy himself might find out that I'm writing about him and poof, friendship over. Well he's not exactly my friend, merely an acquaintance, but whatever. You catch the drift.
You're probably saying, Oh, gimme a break, Marie! OKAY THEN. FINE. *puts on irritated mother face*
Anyway, I just posted this here hoping I'd somehow think of a way to end this stupid drama, but I guess it didn't work. If anything though, it did make my mood a tad lighter than before I wrote this.
Hush now, little one, please stop crying
You can't force your chubby toddler legs
To imitate the long strides of a man.
Take one small step at a time.
It'll be easier, you'll see.
Everything's so much easier of you take it slowly.
Just take it slowly and patiently.
Yes, stand up, my child.
Steady now, be careful not to fall.
Daddy's here to catch you when you do.
That's it, little one. Carefully...
Very good!
Oh, if you can only see the brilliance
Of your eyes so similar to mine,
And hear how contagious your cherub's laugh is--
A breathing, pulsing proof of happiness.
If there's one thing in my creative writing class that really imprinted itself on my mind, it's confronting the blank page. My creative writing professor calls it El Diablo Blanco. Pretty neat, huh? When I first heard it, I thought it was the alias of some wrestler or rapper or someone cool and badarse. Today, however, it just fills me with a certain kind of dread.
The blank page.
When I am writing on my journal and I am faced with a blank page (fact: I always carry a writing journal with me 'cause I'm a rebel like that), almost always my immediate thought balloon is: "How in hell do I fill this thing? Can I even fill this?" Then I'd start tapping my pen on my journal or on my lap or on any surface I can tap my pen on. Or if I'm online and I have a mind to make a new blog entry (to sort of keep my blog fresh, you know), I'd sit looking at the blank screen and blinking in time with the text cursor.
And for quite some time I just sit there, staring into the white abyss that is the blank page/screen, reaching into the depths of my mind for something to write about, something to share, something to express. Can I? Can I?
After about ten minutes have passed and I haven't written or typed a single word, and already quite possibly lost the battle to El Diablo Blanco, I'd go crazy and run around like a bloodthirsty caveman while screaming "POTATOES!"
Well, I'm only horsing about the caveman and potatoes thing, but I really do go crazy sometimes.
In a short yet long span of ten minutes, the blank page seems to come alive and pester me with an endless "Can you? Can you? Can you?" It's dementia in its purest form, I'm telling you. Imagine standing in the middle of a football field surrounded by an army of yellow little minions (y'know, from Despicable Me). And then imagine those minions repeatedly yelling "Can you? Can you?" at you in their distorted, nasal voices. Yep. That's how it feels.
But by some obscure, miraculous reason, I eventually get around to filling the page and defeating the El Diablo Blanco. Like the Can I? Can I? football field-minion montage, there's always this familiar ting! of a light bulb everytime my mind finally decides to open up and face the El Diablo Blanco (at times, even accompanied by the sound of a chainsaw brought to life). After that, ideas pool in. I just find myself scribbling or typing furiously on my journal or on my laptop. The quiet swish of the pen and the gentle tic, tic, tic of the keyboard that means I've input yet another letter in the computer are two of the most wonderful sounds that I love hearing.
Oh, and make no mistake. When I say "eventually", it doesn't necessarily mean that after I close my journal then walk around a bit, then I open my journal again, I'd already start writing. My mind gets a little stubborn sometimes; it could even take days or weeks (but not months, thank heavens for that) before I get the nerve to write. Most of the time, what I write even ends up becoming nonsense or headed for the trash. Headed for the trash how? It's like if you and I are in a conversation, I'm all "Oh, did you see how nice the weather this morning was? I left the cage of my rabbit open so he escaped, then I went to school wearing my old chucks." Things like that.
And so it dawned on me that this is another one of those headed for the trash entries.
What was the term my professor used? Deus ex machina. Started with blank pages, went to football fields and minions, swerved to light bulbs and chainsaws, ended with rabbits and old chucks. Yes, I'm already banging my head on my desk for wasting your time just to read this trash. Maybe I'll jump off a cliff next. (Aww, thank you, Marie!) You're welcome.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that writing is like love-- kidding. Writing is not as easy as it sounds. "Writing? Tedious work? Dude, those are not the same thing." Well, YES THEY ARE YOU ADSFHJHJLKJH. Unless you're a god.
Since this entry is already sounding too trashy and I sure as hell wouldn't edit it because I'm one lazy bastard, and since I already mentioned a while ago that I started with blank pages and ended with rabbits and old chucks, then I'm going to end this entry with rabbits and old chucks.
I tried posting this as my "About Me" in Blogger, but no, they didn't accept it. 'Said that my introduction must only be 1200 characters. Wordpress was better Well, then fine. But just so you know, this was supposed to be my introduction. It's unnecessary, I daresay, but at least posting this here will save it from rotting on my laptop.
So here goes.
Hello! My name is Nicole, but here I am Marie Weatherley, or
just Marie. Introductions ordinarily bore me, so if you don't mind, I'll spare you the
drabness and try to maintain a certain level of wittiness along the way. ;)
I like cats and dogs, but I'm more of a dog person. Dogs are
amusing and funny and smart. Cats are cute but they're, well, lazy.
Most of my time is spent on browsing Facebook, deviantArt,
9gag and YouTube, playing the guitar, poorly writing short stories, eating
and sleeping. Oh, and editing pictures. I'm an amateur digital artist
specialising in photo manipulation.
I love chocolates, marshmallows, watermelons and
strawberries. A day is never complete if I don't eat any of these.
I have a sort of eclectic taste in music. I love listening
to different kinds of music genres because 1) I was born into a family of music
enthusiasts, 2) discovering old and new music stuff on the internet has been a
hobby of mine for quite some time, and 3) I can't stick to only two or three
music genres for the love of god.
My life's ambition is to build a library of one million
books. I love reading. I've loved reading even before I loved music. And if I
have eclectic taste in music, I have an even more eclectic taste in books.
If given the chance, I'd like to phone William Shakespeare,
Jane Austen, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Frederick Chopin, and Claude Debussy.
I once exchanged two pesos for twenty pesos (mehehe). How? I will tell you sometime.
I like writing backwards, or what I call
"mirror-writing" because 1) It's a great mind exercise, 2) Leonardo
da Vinci used to do it, and 3) it's funny looking at other people trying to
read what I'm writing.
I drink tea on a saucer instead of in a mug or in a teacup.
The statement directly above this is a lie.
As I am writing this long introduction of myself, I am
listening to our neighbour belting out "Man in the Mirror" in a voice that badly
needs auto tune.
I can be shy and loud at the same time. It's a bipolar
thing. And yes, I am bipolar.
This may sound cheesy, but I dream of world peace and unity
between all nations.
Aaand that's about it. Man, was that a long introduction. If
you've read this far, then I give you my greatest thanks. :)
